Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
