I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
