I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
