Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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