If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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