My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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