Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
