david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
