I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
