It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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