There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
