My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
