Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
