Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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