Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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