I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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