THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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