Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
