My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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