Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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