Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
