i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize