I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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