I wish I could teleport
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
