Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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