Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
