Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I supernannyed him into submission
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
