I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I didn't notice because vodka
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
