You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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