Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize