there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
