i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
they need to just BURY HIM!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
