I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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