how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
