Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
either way he was missing a nipple.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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