Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
