after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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