I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We had sex on a dog bed..
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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