There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
