we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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