is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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