the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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