U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
