She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We need to rekindle our bromance
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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