i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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