community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
