i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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