the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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