hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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