Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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