I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
