i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
