woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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