you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
