drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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