i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
