I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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