Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
