you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize