Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
