Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
