i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
