i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
