she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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