i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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