smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
