Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
NoShamevember. You game?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
