PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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