It's just like the Real World with babies
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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