isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
