and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
