I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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