I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Found your dick twin last night
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
