you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
